Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Randomize