I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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