I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
