Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
