apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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