Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
