i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
