im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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