I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
