Swine flu is the new snow day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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