Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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