the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
