I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
