you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
