Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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