So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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