so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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