that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
