U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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