Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
