What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
