They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
