i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize