mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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