I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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