We're facebook friends in real life
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize