You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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