My nipple is on Facebook.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
