Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
