girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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