I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
