NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
