Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
