this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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