Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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