It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
