You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
