He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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