I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
