All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
