Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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