Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
