Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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