sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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