Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
