WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it's like iHOP with fire
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
