he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
