You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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