The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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