Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
