You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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