Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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