Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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