Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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