i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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