Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
