she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
