"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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