I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
