Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize