At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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