soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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