the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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