so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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