Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A+ Viking dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
