FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
