what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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