I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
